I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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