How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just high enough for therapy.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
