omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
