Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
