Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
