you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
do herpes really smell.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
