HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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