Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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