I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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