Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
