The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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