I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
