I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
