I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
