So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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