omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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