Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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