If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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