I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
