She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
