her vagine was all disorganized.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
