We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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