My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
