i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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