Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
