GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
