It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
