I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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