The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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