TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
