my mouth tastes like poor choices
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
