quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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