She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He did a backflip because drugs
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
