You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
