Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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