Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I wish you could order shots online.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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