Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
