Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
