I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
