if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
