I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Vodka?
Forever.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
