Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
