The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
