I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
