I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
third nipple confirmed
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
