"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
