and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
