There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
