The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
