when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
