guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
