She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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