I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
